It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
