I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
