Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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