I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
