She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So. Much. Porn.
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