Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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