Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
