Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
