Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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