yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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