I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
