All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Randomize
