He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Please don't give away my fajitas
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
