I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
