I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
