I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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