i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
false alarm, still single
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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