I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
