guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
