So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
