Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
