just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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