Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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