I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
