before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
