you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize