Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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