Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have fence marks all over my body
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
