fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
