Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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