he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
