Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Two words: nipple clamps
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