The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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