went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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