you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
