Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
