my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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