I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
