i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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