the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
