I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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