i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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