Buhtt sex?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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