I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
