so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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