I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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