Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
