i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
