so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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