i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
