blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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