FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
